on pride, part ii

I used to think that love meant that you were willing to swallow your pride for your significant other, taking one for the proverbial team (“team” meaning the relationship). And it is, to an extent. I think most people are stubborn in their own ways, whether it’s about giving up useless hobbies or toxic friends, or submitting in a fight. The most fundamental reason why people fight in relationships is that each side believes in their infallibility, and their refusal to admit any wrong prevails over reason. But naturally, fights can be subjective, or words can be misconstrued, or a simple miscommunication can evolve into a bitter struggle over who’s right and who’s wrong.

These fights, while inconvenient, frustrating, or even heart-wrenching, are also, unfortunately, an inevitable and vital facet of a real relationship. I think it’s important to fight sometimes so that each person can discover what makes the other tick; what angers them and why; and how they respond to duress. Ultimately, when you fight with your significant other, you see what kind of person they are – not because it exposes what initially angers them, but because it reveals how they react in the face of conflict. Thus, in a fight, I think you should not only to take some time to see the situation for what it is and acknowledge that you’re wrong if you’re wrong, but you should also just swallow your pride once in a while and admit defeat in the name of love.

However, if these moments of strong heart and weak resolve occur more often than not, there’s a chance that you’re losing yourself in the relationship. It’s indicative that you’re not just swallowing your pride once in a while; it might just mean that you’re swallowing your self-worth. It means that you are admitting that you have more faith in someone else’s beliefs than your own, and there’s really no pride to take in that. The more I dissect and analyze relationships, the more I realize that they’re remarkably difficult balancing acts – tip the scale in one direction and you’re both headed for the ground. And that may have easily been the cheesiest metaphor I’ve ever used, but it’s true.