on mediocrity

The more people I meet and the more I learn about the world, the greater the insecurities that start eating away at my psyche. I think, naturally, most people strive for greatness. Excluding those who are averse to ambition, people want to be the best they can be. But what if the best you can be is the worst state of another? What if your potential falls drastically short in this competitive, continually evolving world?

I don't believe that I have ever truly lived up to my potential but even if I do, I fear it may not be enough.

on simple pleasures

Sometimes I like to write down simple pleasures to remind me that good things can still happen on bad days:

-a cool breeze amidst the heat of the sun
-the relief of a bed already made
-the freedom of leisure
-the cool side of the pillow
-the sound of a minor chord after a major one
-the resonance of a grand piano
-the intertwining of mutually affectionate fingers
-the twinkle and creases of smiling eyes
-the anticipation of a delicious meal
-friendly elevator conversation
-a clean sink
-a crisp dollar bill
-the feeling of crawling under the covers after a long day

on heartache

Have you ever gotten in a fight with someone so important in your life and so close to your heart that you felt a dull ache in the pit of your stomach? Or have you ever missed someone or something or some memory so badly that you could almost feel your heart swinging precariously in your body, between what was and what never will be again? Or have you listened to such a beautiful, delicately crafted song that you felt a metaphorical hand squishing your soul until you felt like you couldn't take anymore?

Because I have.

on mending hearts

There is a certain bridge that was broken that I have been thinking about trying to mend for a while now. I can list a few solid reasons why it would be a good idea to do so, but if I really think about it, I realize that it may be for selfish reasons. I always wanted to fix this bridge when I felt that everything else was completely healed, but I'm beginning to understand and reluctantly accept that everything else may never be healed in the way that I'm expecting. So is it time for me to repair that bridge?

on being mature

I've decided that I'm going to act like a grown-up from now on; no more bitterness or passive-aggressiveness, and certainly no more binge-drinking.