on purpose

I was watching runners from the Chicago marathon walk home/to the el today after the race. They looked very happy and accomplished. I don't usually like seeing people feeling too pleased with themselves because it's more often than not because of something trivial in the larger scope of life (e.g., washing the dishes or answering a question in class correctly) and I don't think it warrants such a smug feeling or expression. Then again, I don't want to belittle these small accomplishments because they are in themselves accomplishments, but I'm looking for something more.

While I can't see myself ever running a marathon, I can see the appeal. There is much to say about an 8 or 10k, but many people often run 5-10mi during an average workout (obviously not me). However, a half marathon -- and especially a marathon -- isn't something to be taken lightly. I admire people who run long distances like that because they're doing it with purpose, drive, and commitment. I'm impressed with people who perform every action in their life with purpose. In writing, it's easy to spot purpose: every comma, conjunction, subtle allusion or metaphor. When purpose is laid out on a piece of paper in tangible form like that, everyone can see it and admire it. When the microcosm becomes a macrocosm, however, is when it becomes the most impressive. When a principle in writing can percolate into real life, I have to take a moment or two and truly admire it.

And so, when I saw the runners looking so happy and accomplished, I felt a strange combination of remorse, disappointment, and longing because I started asking myself what I have done with my life. So many of my decisions are without purpose and so many actions lack drive; I don't want to be unhappy and unaccomplished. But I think seeing people who can commit and perform gives me the inspiration and motivation to work towards becoming happier and more accomplished. So, instead of staring at my computer looking for pretty songs to put on my playlist, I will start reading.