on grammar

If you know me, you know that I love grammar. I don’t know why exactly, but I derive some kind of sick pleasure from knowing when and where to place a comma in a sentence and from choosing the right word for a particular phrase. And so, I’ve compiled a list of my least favorite (or most hated) grammatical errors that I’ve observed (more frequently than I'd like):

(1) Phonetic errors: These are not too common; they may arise from haphazard writing or just pure laziness, but they are mistakes that I imagine only a seven year old can excusably make. For example, “I COULD OF done that” instead of “I COULD HAVE done that”; or “I USE to do that” instead of “I USED to do that.” Forgivable, but annoying. That is something you learn in grade school.

(2) Affect/Effect: Many people know little more about parts of speech than nouns, verbs, and adjectives, and even then, a lot of that knowledge comes from the arguably incomplete Schoolhouse Rock. However, there are eight parts of speech (verbs, nouns, pronouns, adverbs, adjectives, prepositions, conjunctions, and interjections) and they each have a unique and exclusive purpose! The worst part about this misuse is that it only involves the very, very basic verb and noun. “Affect” is a verb; for example, “Your smoking affects my health.” “Effect,” on the other hand, is a noun; for instance, “Your smoking has a negative EFFECT on my health.” Unforgivable and annoying, not to mention downright embarrassing.

(3) Homonym errors: Including the paramount “affect/effect” error, there is an insane number of homonyms that people continually get wrong: “peak/pique,” “adverse/averse,” “altogether/all together,” “accept/except,” “assent/ascent,” “bald/bawled (yes, I really have seen that one before),” and so many others. However, I won’t even deign to define these; look them up!

(3) Between/Among: This distinction is very simple, and sometimes I wonder if people just never learn how to use them correctly or if they just don’t care. Either way, it’s a silly mistake to make (especially if you’re writing a paper or a personal statement). “Between” refers to two; “among” refers to more than two. For example, “This is a problem BETWEEN you and me” and “This is a problem AMONG the three (or four or twenty or hundred, etc) of us.”

(4) Me/I: The aforementioned sentence “This is a problem between you and me” brings attention to my next point: “you and me” vs. “you and I.” Without fail, people post pictures on Facebook and write in the caption “_____ and I at _____.” This is incorrect. If you were alone in the picture, you would write in the caption (at least, I hope you would) “me” as in, “that is me.” You wouldn’t say “that is I.” Therefore, when you add another player to the game, you say “Barney and me,” not “Barney and I.” Similarly, “between you and I” is incorrect. It should be “between you and ME.”

(5) A lot/Alot: This is just embarrassing. I understand if “alot” is a product of lazy instant messaging fingers or evil t9/swype, but it’s unforgivable in an academic or professional setting. There really is no explanation for this; it’s “A LOT” not “ALOT,” unless you’re trying to say “allot” (the verb) which would also be an embarrassing typo.


I have a lot (yes, “a lot,” not “alot”) more issues with grammar errors like dangling modifiers, dangling participles, passive voice, etc., but I will either save them for another day or suppress them until they explode, leaving me relentlessly ranting in some poor soul’s face.