on quitting and moving on

I’ve never been a-pack-a-day smoker who spends more time smoking than not; rather, I’ve been a steady, marathon runner of a smoker, indulging in a few cigarettes daily for many years, but never in excess. 17 days ago, I was at the gym and spontaneously decided to quit temporarily until after the 8k I’m running next weekend. However, that temporary hiatus from the world of nicotine turned into a permanent departure. It hasn’t been easy, but the pros have significantly outweighed the cons.

I’d say the willpower fueling me to quit could be split up in three ways:

(1) a little thing called cancer and other numerous health issues that I’m trying to grow up and face with sobering realization;

(2) the issue of pride – I refuse to admit that I was too weak to quit because I have and will always hold that I can quit whenever I want, cold turkey; and

(3) a need for personal change; in so many ways, the circumstances in my life have changed this past year, but I have not, and it’s time for me to start.

These three are all weighted pretty equally, but I think the impetus to quit wasn't just that I want to be healthier physically, but that I also want to be healthier mentally and emotionally. I want to be able to assess my life and feel proud of who I’ve been and who I’ve become. In college, I spent so much time being complacent and since then, have spent so much time trying to fix what had been broken. I don’t want to go back to where I was before or revert to whatever standard of complacency I held in college; I want to improve and be better and be happier. I don’t want to dwell on the past and linger on bad habits. And on that note, I’ve also started taking vitamins daily again.

out with the new, in with the old

In November, when a friend told me about tumblr and coerced me into creating an account, I was intrigued by its novelty and left the blogspot world without looking back (much like my departure from the wordpress world before that and the xanga world before that). However, after several months of writing blog posts comprised only of pithy text and lengthy monologues in a blogging medium geared towards pictures and videos, I decided to return to blogspot, where text is king and the word is golden (I think). This return has led me to consider what made me originally leave blogspot and I can only think that the novelty of the new website drew me in, and as any other adult with self-diagnosed, most likely imaginary ADHD would, I grabbed for the new toy (or website).

This kind of quick abandonment of the old at the spark of something new pervades other areas of my life as well. Flimsy toilet paper is left neglected in the back corner of a closet while the triple ply toilet paper rests gloriously on the holder next to the toilet. New clothes and shoes become my only clothes and shoes and my wardrobe B.N.C.S. (Before New Clothes and Shoes) sit collecting dust in drawers. New school supplies replace old binders and writing utensils from previous school years (which are perfectly reusable and easily recyclable). Even old friends and acquaintances sit on the back-burner of my life when I make new ones. I am the paramount of the American consumer and our generation's ADHD-ridden lunatic.

But growing up is all about change, is it not? So much has changed in the past year; I might as well keep that ball rolling. And thus, here is my triumphant return to blogspot. Goodbye, tumblr and all other blogging mediums. I have eyes for only one now. I'm going to commit to blogspot like an alcoholic commits to happy hour.

However, if everyone happens to return to xanga, I'll probably render blogspot useless and jump on the bandwagon. I can't pass up a chance to get more eProps.