I write and I write and this is just for myself and this is just to say I'm okay but okay is not the optimal, but you're all settling for okay, so what the hell if I'm supposed to be here then I'm here and I'll do okay for a while because I need a break from doing something more than okay and I also need to make things better in the future to have everything work out for everyone and to have a sudden utopia that exudes random joys and blatant optimism and have everyone laughing and playing on slides and swings and swimming across rivers and rolling down hills. I'm here right now and I'm here for a while so I'm going to just accept one part and never accept the other, but I'll keep that to myself so I can surprise everyone when everything becomes the way it's supposed to be.